THEME

shakespearelove:

i-m-a-good-viper:

Lesbians:

image

Men:

image

Aaaaaaaand I can’t breathe.

😂

nawyougood:

theinternationalasshole:

Imagine having sex with a girl and she turns into a legit monster
Do you continue fucking her or do you run away?

does the pussy stay human pussy or does it become monster pussy? will she kill me if my stroke weak? if the condom breaks, will i create an x men baby? do monsters get the clap? its levels to this shit and i need answers.

(Source: zipitupandzipitout)

theappleppielifestyle:

one time my friend brought a mcchicken burger and the whole time she was eating it she looked really confused and then halfway through she stopped chewing and pulled the top bun off and stared at it for a while before whispering “they forgot the chicken”

ANON TEXT GAME

wowstarry:

thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg:

Rules : Message me your phone number on anon, I’ll text you for a week without knowing who you are or what you look like to only get to know your personality . At the end of the week you can send me a picture of you

😱😱😱😬👍do it

Only UK though, I haven’t got any cash to let myself text those lovely far away friends. 😩

(Source: photochildx)

dickpong:

dickpong:

THIS STRANGER JUST OPENED MY FRONT DOOR PETTED MY DOG SAW ME AND LEFT

i just met my step-brother for the first time

awkwardnarturtle:

i-mahu:

There’s two types of anger one is dry and the other wet and basically wet anger is when your eyes water and your voice shakes and I hate that cause I feel weak when I’m crying while angry I like dry anger when your face is like stone and your voice is sharp I guess wet anger shows that you care too much and dry anger means you’re done.

This is the best description ever

andrewgiraffields:

Lana Del Rey songs make me feel sad and nostalgic about things that haven’t happened to me

(Source: highgayden)

communistbakery:

*opens jacket* hey kid you wanna buy some dru- (construction workers start sawing) you wanna buy some- (saws get louder) hey kid you wanna buy

geoffrmsy:

dekutree:

tbh I don’t see the fuss about having waiters/waitresses not being happy and enthusiastic like I came here to eat I didn’t come here to be amused by employees as long as I’m getting my food and they’re not being blatantly rude I don’t see why y’all need to go on yelp to rank a restaurant 0/5 and have an outburst on why your waitress didn’t smile at you when she poured you water

this is pretty freaking important

dullaidan:

i love vines and super short videos cause its like “man this video is only 4 seconds how much could happen in 4 seconds” so much man So Much

captainlucifer:

erocsan:

captainlucifer:

if a guy friend that you’re romantically interested in asks you out, reject him first as a test to see whether he’ll get angry and accuse you of friendzoning him or respect your decision and be willing to carry on being friends

Example of why women are fucking crazy hahahaha

i’m a man

(Source: luciferofficial)

shavingryansprivates:

jrdyn:

shavingryansprivates:

s cience tumblr why the hoobly boobly

Tectonic plates

thank You

unfollowlng:

seenaill:

unfollowlng:

If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made

my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and social security to the black market when she couldn’t find them

you win

fileformat:

me: 🌷
thicc boy: 🍆
me: 🌺